Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The 6 worst movies of 2011

We're winding down for the year and approaching a full year here on Sketched Screenings come this January! So, to round out this year in movies, I thought I'd give my best and worst movies of the year. It was a good year for movies. It was a good year for great movies. It was a good year for...truly horrible movies. And so, without further ado, I give you my pick for the top 6 worst movies of 2011!

This should have been more fun than it was. It was just bland and generic, especially coming from the directing prowess of Jon Favreau. Daniel Craig's performance is the only real saving point of this lump of dirt. Everyone else, even Harrison Ford acting crazier than ever, was as generic as they come. The plot didn't make sense, the story was dull, and every character was a stereotype of a character from every western ever. The alien designs were interesting, but they made little sense. And do we even need to get into the dumb reason for why they were there in the first place? It was just an all-around waste of a good title.

This is only #5 because it could be a passable experience if seen in light doses and if it weren't so full of itself. If not for it trying (and completely failing) to sell itself of a as a woman-empowerment movie, it would be a nice, enjoyable little romp, filled with EVERYTHING: Robot samurai, steampunk Nazi soldiers, dragons, girls in scantily clad uniforms, and burlesque. There are some great concepts here, but it had to be ruined by Zack Snyder's need to put slooooooowwww moootiiiooonnnnn oonnnnnn evvverrrrrryyything, and jam in too many musical sequences. Please, someone get this man a music video gig.

There is just no reason for this movie to be made other than to make money (which it sadly did...buttloads even). Jack Sparrow is a great, quirky character, but he fails as the main protagonist. There's a great parody from somerandomguy  but it's best summed up during the waterfall sequence in which Jack is forced to jump off a waterfall in the longest and most roundabout way possible. There's no reason for Jack's story arc and no reason for the completely unnecessary mermaid romance side story. The only reason there would be any need to see this is the need to see Penelope Cruz in a beard, which, hey, I'm sure there are websites for that sort of thing.

This is a truly awful movie that I've done four separate blog posts on. The writing is terrible, the characters are terrible, the acting is terrible, the designs are terrible, and the story flat out does not make sense. Its only saving grace is its action sequences, which are extremely fun to watch and among the best uses of 3D all year. Look, that wingsuit sequence was completely dumb and unnecessary, but it was a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

It was a hard decision for me between this piece of garbage and the piece of garbage that took the #1 spot. This is a terrible, awful movie. How this got made, and advertised, and put into theaters, I will never ever know. From the horrible opening baby sequence, to the bad dialogue, to the no one ever wearing a shirt, to the crazy, roundabout story, to the unneeded characters, to things just happening because they needed to happen...the whole terrible thing just doesn't make sense. There is a scene in which they start fighting in the middle of the night, then two seconds later, it's the middle of the day.  That is a major continuity error that no one gave two rat's anuses to fix. That's how little they cared about this movie. 

It was a real reeeaaaalll close call between this and Conan, but I think the sticking point was that this was made for over 2 HUNDRED MILLION dollars, was supposed to be one of DC's top superhero flicks, and it just turned into a steaming pile of crap. I was extremely good to this in my first review, but it is truly awful. For how awful, read Topless Robot's excellent list of best scenes here. The CGI is bad, Hal's character is bad, the story and acting is bad, the ending is bad, the action sequences are bad, the 3D is nonexistent, and even Ryan Reynolds couldn't save this from being a truly awful experience. There are no saving graces to Green Lantern. This was truly the worst movie of 2011.

Come back Wednesday for my list of the BEST movies of 2011!

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