Noir Comic Week: Dark Entries

I recently discovered the Vertigo Crime book series! So, to celebrate, I'm having a NOIR COMIC WEEK VERTIGO CRIME GRAPHIC MYSTERY EXTRAVAGANZA! Or something. Five noir reviews in five days! First up, Dark Entries by Ian Rankin and Werther Dell'edra!

"Haunted Mansion", a hit new reality TV show in which contestants are trapped in a house where they're subjected to scares, suddenly goes off the rails when contestants encounter things the TV crew didn't set up. The producer calls occult detective John Constantine to investigate, but the only way to find out what's happening is if he becomes a contestant himself!

Escape from Tomorrow

Get out your Mickey Mouse ears and secret cameras, we're reviewing Escape From Tomorrow!

Jim(Roy Abramsohn) is a recently unemployed actor taking his family on vacation to Disney World when strange and terrible things start to happen.

Sketched List: 13 Horror Comedies for Halloween

Halloween is tomorrow! No doubt, a lot of people will be going trick-or-treating, or to a spoooooky party! Or maybe they'll relax at home with some scary movies. But what if you're just looking to chill and have some laughs, but still stay in the spirit? Here are 13 fantastic classic and/or little-known horror-comedies for your Halloween night!

Sketched TV: Sleepy Hollow

Get out your axes and machine guns, we're reviewing Sleepy Hollow!

Ichabod Crane (Tom Mison) fights in the American Revolutionary War under General Washington and gets mortally wounded after beheading the Hessian. He suddenly wakes up in modern times, as does the Headless Horseman. Now he must work with Lt. Abbie Mills (Nicole Beharie) to find and stop the Headless Horseman and investigate all the strange things happening in the small town of Sleepy Hollow. 

World War Z

Get out your shotguns and magazines we're reviewing World War Z NO, NOPE, CAN'T DO IT, CANNOT, WILL NOT SAY IT – ahem… we're reviewing That Brad Pitt Zombie Movie!

It's the zombie apocalypse and once Gerry (Brad Pitt) gets his family to safety, it's up to him to globe-trot to find a cure, or something!

Evil Dead

Get out your skin-bound books and blood-caked chainsaws, we're reviewing Evil Dead!

Four friends escort Mia(Jane Levy) to a remote cabin in the woods so she can quit her coke addiction cold turkey in privacy. Unfortunately  they find remnants of what looks to be witchcraft, and when someone reads from an evil book THAT CLEARLY SAYS DON'T READ IT I MEAN GEEZ IT'S WRITEN IN BRIGHT RED YA BOZO then all matter of bloody shenanigans start happening!

Guest Review: Dark Skies

Get out your alien body snatchers, we're reviewing Dark Skies!

The intended focus here? The alien stalking her. All I focused on? Her mole.

And it's another special guest review from Noelle Loughran! Because I did not care to see Dark Skies. Sounds like I was right to avoid it! Spoilers ahead.

The Single Awareness Day Ultimate List of Loner Movies to Watch Alone by Yourself 2013

Valentine's Day is tomorrow, or if you're single, it's more likely you'll be celebrating Single Awareness Day. Wooo solitude! Eat all the of the chocolate by yourself! Play all of the single player vidya games! Watch all the movies alone! But you don't want to watch no sappy movies about love and romance and everything that reminds you of your perpetual singlearity, you want loner moviesabout badass singles! So here's my comprensive list(aka a bunch of movies I thought of off the top of my head) of 7 movies that are all about badass loners, being alone, and only trusting yourself! Enjoy!

Warm Bodies

Get out your BRAAAAAAIIIIIINNNSSS we're reviewing Warm Bodies!

Isn't he dreamy ladies? Ladies? Where did you go?

R(Nicholas Hoult) is a zombie who just wants to connect with people. After meeting Julie(Teresa Palmer) in a zombie attack, he falls in love, takes her back to his place to keep her safe, and starts to see some strange changes in himself.

Mama

Get out your OH GEEZ IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU RUUUN AAAHHHH we're reviewing Mama!

Oh no Punk-rock Jessica Chastain it's right behind you!

Victoria(Megan Charpentier) and Lilly(Isabelle Nélisse) were kidnapped by their dad and left to fend for themselves in the woods for 5 years. When they are discovered and taken home by their uncle Lucas(Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and his girlfriend Annabel(Jessica Chastain), their new guardians discover there's something already protecting them...

Sketched Games: Alan Wake

Get out your flashlights and revolvers, we're reviewing Alan Wake!

Alan Wake(Mathew Porretta) is a famous writer who needs a vacation.  He and his wife decide to get away from it all by visiting the small town of Bright Falls. Things quickly take a turn for the weird when Alan's wife is kidnapped by a dark presence and he's the only one that can save her! Minor spoilers ahead.

Paranorman

Get out your ghosts and zombies, we're reviewing Paranorman!

Norman Babcock(Kodi Smit-McPhee) is an outsider at school, in town and even in his own family, all because he can see ghosts.  When a century-old curse threatens the town, he realizes that he's the only one who can stop it. But can he do it alone?

Quickies: The Campaign, Bourne Legacy, Dead Heads

Hey guys, I've been super busy with the final project for my inking class(pictures soon) and working on my internship, so I decided to have one post of quick reviews of all the movies I've seen.

The Campaign

Cam Brady(Will Ferrell) and Marty Huggins(Zach Galifianakis) are running against each other for the Republican Congressman seat.  If you hate polotics, this movie will be HILARIOUS.  This is the funniest Will Ferrell movie he's had in years.  Though I was expecting a bit more Ferrell, it had the apporpriate amount of Galifianakis, and they play off each other perfectly. It also has a great supporting class including Brian Cox, Jason Sudeikis, John Lithgow and a hilariously terrifying Dylan McDermott.  It's funny and exactly what I'd expect politics to be like. One of the best comedies this year, go check it out, $$$$

The Bourne Legacy

For a Hawkeye prequel, I 'm surprised there wasn't a Black Widow cameo somewhere.  This takes place at the same time as The Bourne Ultimatum, in which the government is closing down all it's super soldier programs thanks to that pesky Bourne guy, and Aaron Cross(Jeremy Renner) with his doctor(Rachel Weisz) needs to find more super soldier pills and escape with his life.  This was pretty meh overall.  It has a slow start, which wouldn't be bad if it focused on Aaron's story, but it's mostly an hour of bad guys doing boring bureaucratic bad guy stuff. There's a few action scenes, but not as many as I would have liked, and the action isn't as amazing, inventive or groundbreaking as the previous three films. Also, no cameo from Bourne, which I didn't need, but would have liked.  It doesn't really have a satisfying conclusion either.  Aaron Cross doesn't even bother with going after the bad guys!  

It's like Moby's Extreme Ways that they have at the end of every one of these films.  There's a new remix version at the end of Legacy. It's different, and it's still cool, but it's not as good as the original, and you're probably just better off listening to that.  The best part of this is Renner and Weisz.  I've always been fans of theirs, and they both pull their own weight. Renner is a badass, and Reisz is a believable doctor freaking out.  It's an ok action flick, but not great, especially not compared to the previous Bourne films. If there's nothing else actiony out there, it's not bad, but you may want to wait on this one. $$$

DeadHeads

This was a random move I watched on TV, and it's kind of interesting.  It's about two zombies who are still sentient even after dying, even though none of the other zombies are.  It's an intriguing gimmick, but then it turns into a zombie romantic comedy as one of the undead guys wants to travel cross country to tell his girlfriend that he loves her. There's some enjoyable zombie humor to be had, and even some genuinely touching moments that may bring undead tears to your eyes, but it ends up being too sappy for its own good.  I can understand the main guy's motivation, but all these other people are helping him for true love in the zombie apocalypse? Really? That's your biggest concern?  And it ends with no real resolution to their relationship, or answers any of the questions to the why or how of being sentient zombies.  It's overly romantic, but it's still fun and interesting with some heartfelt moments. $$$

Prometheus

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE WATCHED THE PROMETHEUS TRAILER. WE WERE SO WRONG.

The new videogame from director Ridley Scott! THe Brand new FPS based off the hit movie Prometheus! 

This has taken some time to wrap my head around.  See, it's an enjoyable movie, and it has a lot of great set-up, but after the credits roll, you'll start to think about it and go, "Wait what?"  It's an interesting movie, but it's not the experience I thought it would be.

Chernobyl Diaries

Get out your geiger counters, we're reviewing Chernobyl Diaries!

I wasn't expecting much from this horror movie, but I didn't think it would be this awful.  There's little reason to see it, especially if you've already seen Cabin in the Woods, in which case it looks utterly ridiculous.  Spoilers ahead, but really, you'll thank me later.

Dark Shadows

Get out your coffins and disco balls, we're reviewing Dark Shadows!

Johnny Depp was made to be a vampire. Is he a vampire in real life maybe?

This is a strange movie, and not just it's Tim Burtoniness(Tim Burtonisicty? Burtonese?) You can definitely feel it's soap opera roots and everyone has a fun time hamming it up, but it doesn't quite translate as well to the big screen.

The Raven

Get out your booze and blood, we're reviewing The Raven!

Maybe I should have made his forehead bigger.

I feel with The Raven they were trying to turn Edgar Allen Poe into a Sherlock Holmes type character and create a story similar to From Hell, but it doesn't quite work.  It feels like The Raven is trying to be a lot of things, a classic mystery, a torture-porn gore fest, a summer action movie, and a respectful look at Poe's life, without doing any one of them very well. Minor spoilers follow.

Trollhunter

Get out your rocks and UV rays, we're reviewing Trollhunter!

So what do these trolls look like anywa-BATMAN IN HEAVEN IT'S MORE HORRIBLE THAN I COULD HAVE IMAGINED RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

Trolhunter is a Norwegian found footage film in the vain of Blair Witch Project or Cloverfield. I wouldn't say it's scary, but it's interesting. It's refreshing to see a property of something other than ghosts or zombies.

Quick Review: Cabin in the Woods

You may be thinking, why didn't I just use a pattern in photoshop?  And to that I say, shut up.

Cabin in the Woods is a genre-bending horror film staring Chris Hemsworth and Bradley Whitford and written by Joss Whedon. It starts off as a generic horror film about five kids going off into the woods for a party weekend, and then it gets weird. It was made in 2009 and wasn't released until now because I'm sure the studios didn't think people would see it (since it's so weird) without first mainstreaming Hemsworth and Whedon.  And they are probably right, because this thing is twelve shades of awesome. There's no way I can review it properly without ruining the whole premise, but just know that it's funny, has a perfect script, is always entertaining, got tons of gore, and the most amazing third act battle you'll see in a horror movie ever. No, it is not a regular horror movie, and that's why it's so great.


Overall: $$$$$ See it multiple times!

Downfall Degeneration Double review

Get out your zombies AND your necromophs! It's a special double review of Dead Space: Downfall and Resident Evil: Degeneration!

That's one of the necromorphs, right? I'm pretty sure it is.

I thought it was fitting reviewing these together. They're both animated movies based on action/survival horror videogame properties.  Dead Space, at least to me, always felt like Resident Evil 4 but in space.  So which animated horror will win out? Or will it be a double draw?!