Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Single Awareness Day Ultimate List of Loner Movies to Watch Alone by Yourself 2013

Valentine's Day is tomorrow, or if you're single, it's more likely you'll be celebrating Single Awareness Day. Wooo solitude! Eat all the of the chocolate by yourself! Play all of the single player vidya games! Watch all the movies alone! But you don't want to watch no sappy movies about love and romance and everything that reminds you of your perpetual singlearity, you want loner moviesabout badass singles! So here's my comprensive list(aka a bunch of movies I thought of off the top of my head) of 7 movies that are all about badass loners, being alone, and only trusting yourself! Enjoy!

1) The Big Lebowski
The dude abides Single Awareness Day. Could there be a man more content with being alone? If his adventures have anything to prove, he's probably happier when he's not around people, especially those trying to kill him or attack his junk with ferrets. If you haven't experienced his dudeness, The Big Lebowski is a surreal out-of-left-field comedy from the Cohen Brothers and has hilarious performances by Jeff Bridges, John Goodman and Steve Buscemi.  Be like the dude and just go with the flow, man! Bowl a few games, have a couple of drinks, get in a fight with some nihilistic Germans. And watch one of the Cohen classics! Whatever man, it's all good.

2) Hanna
If there's one thing that sucks worse than being alone, it's being alone as a kid! But Hanna seems pretty capable of taking care of herself on her own while running from shady governement agencies or hired gangsters. And she can handle herself just fine in a fight!  She's a three-foot James Bond-esque killing machine, but still a curious little girl in a fairy tale world she's just discovering.  Hanna is one of the best modern fairy tales to date, and a thrilling beautiful action adventure with crazy good soundtrack from the Chemical Brothers to boot. I don't know if I'd reccomend being like Hanna and going off into the wilderness by yourself with nothing but the clothes on your back, but you can still enjoy this fun, violent, and extremly well-shot modern action fairy-tale!

3) Alien
It's hard to tell who would be a better role model for Single Awareness Day, Ripley or the xenomorph. On the one hand, Ripley's a strong-ass female who's (mostly) survived through 4 alien movies, and most times by herself. Especially in the first (and arguably still the best) film in which(spoiler alert) she's the lone survivor of the alien attack on the Nostromo. Even before the xenomorph attack, she don't take no guff from none of her other macho man crew members!  On the other hand, the xenomorph decimates the entire crew by itself! It has to spend it's time all by its lonesome breaking out of chests and developing into a full-fledged killing machine. Two beings who are all alone but still can't seem to get together...the true spirit of SIngle Awareness Day!

4) Escape from L.A.
Snake Plissken is the original loner badass. He's only got one eye, and it's not for you! He'd rather just stay home, eat ice-cream and watch bad movies and junk, but his friends always make him go out and meet people! And by "friends" I mean "government agents who put mini-bombs into his bloodstream to blackmail him into doing their bidding" and by "meet people" I mean "find presidents and daughters of presidents".  Escape from New York and Escape from L.A. follow the same formula, Snake gets shafted into going into a post apocalyptic wasteland to rescue someone and escape, hijinkes ensue, etc., but I think L.A. is a lot more fun. It includes lava surfing, Pam Grier, Steve Buscemi, and Bruce Campbell!  Instead of having your friends make you go out to some lame Valentines Party(no doubt blackmailing you with a deadly virus in your blood), stay in and watch this movie instead!

5) Evil Dead 2
If there's an act more anti-V Day than cutting up your possessed girlfriend, I don't know what it is.  Take a page out of Ash's evil book and spend the day inside with just you and your hand! NO I DON'T MEAN THAT. I meant using the DVD remore to switch this puppy on! This is Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi at their best and silliest.  Arguably, Ash got awesomer and more iconic in Army of Darkness, but this is where he was created, and where his lonely heart really took hold.  Don't let Valentine's Day swallow your soul and watch this horror comedy instead!

6) John Carpenter's The Thing
There's a real reason why you should stay in and not trust anyone, they could be an alien wanting to kill you and replicate your body! Here's the true Single Awareness Day movie, proving it's safer to go alone and trust no one.  And it's another John Carpenter movie starring Kurt Russel!  A couple of single awareness heroes, those guys. The Thing is one of the best sci-fi horror movies of all time, has some still amazing practical effects and a tight, tense narrative in which you never know who's the alien and who's human, even after the movie's over. And really, think of it from the Thing's point of view, the only organisim of it's kind stranded on a snow planet, trying to make friends. Don't assimilate new mates, just stay inside and incubate, waiting for friends to come to you!

7) The Dark Knight
It's lonely at the top. The top of the tallest skyscraper looking over Gotham, that is.  Batman is the ultimate loner character, shunning personal relationships in favor of his singular war on crime. He pushes everyone away, even the bat fans dressing up as him who are just trying to help, so that he can go on his singular crusade alone. This is movie is especially single awarenessy as his love interest who he was hoping would get him out of all this (spoiler alert) doesn't quite make it.  Probably the closest person Batman gets to is the maniac Joker who he's trying to stop! And of course his snarky butler , Alfred. Alfred's the real loner hero here, waiting for Bruce to come back after all those year of thinking he's dead, and giving up any kind of life to be a personal butler! Dont let anyone stop you from enjoying your single crusade of watching movies alone!

That's my list! What movies do you think would be perfect for Single Awareness Day?

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