Monday, April 4, 2011


Put on your scantily clad outfits and splash on the eyeliner(you too ladies), we're reviewing Suckerpunch!

Seriously, all the areas where you wouldn't want fishnet, there are fishnet.

That sums up my whole review. It's kinda good but what's the point. See it, don't see it, who cares.

Well ok, if you REALLY want a review...

Written and directed by Zack Snyder, who also directed 300 and Watchmen(So if you liked those movies you already know whether or not you're going to see this), this is a story about a young girl named Baby Doll(Emily Browning) unjustly put away in a girls insane asylum by her evil stepfather and her plan to escape said insane asylum with the help of four other girls stuck in the same position. The main doctor(Carla Gugino) teaches girls they can take control their life and oppressors by imagining their environment however they want it to be. Scantly clad adventures ensue.

Let me first comment that I am a guy watching this, so my view of watching hot girls in skimpy outfits kicking ass is understandably skewed. There's been alot of back and forth on every other review site about how Snyder is degrading women and/or uplifting them. Personally, I can't really say it's the most female degrading film(that would be Twilight), and I can't say it uplifts in the way Snyder intended it to be. it's just jumbled, somewhere in the middle. He's saying one thing but showing another. The message comes on way too heavy especially at the very end.

I'm not going to say the skimpy outfits and obscene amounts of make-up themselves are degrading to women because I now quite a few women who love to wear just as ridiculous outfits and tons of make-up. They do burlesque, they model, they party, don't tell me it doesn't happen. Where it does fall is context. There are a couple of scenes where it's supposed to feel like a real drama, like one in which they're all crying over each other, trying to convince each other to escape, and it's obviously suppose to be serious, but they're still in they're ridiculous burlesque costumes with glittery eyelashes. So when they're hugging my male brain instinctively goes, "Are they...are they gonna make out?" Wait, does that say more about how Snyder handled the context poorly or my male chauvinist brain?

I do have to say, they're not "exploiting" their characters but they're making action figures? Yeah, sure.

Moving on to the actual visuals, if you came to see hot girls in skimpy clothing fighting ridiculous crap, you'll be pleased to know there's hot girls in skimpy clothing fighting ridiculous crap. There's orcs and dragons. There's mechanized samurai with miniguns. There's futuristic robots. There's freaking steam powered nazi zombies for crap sakes! Honestly, I don't know why this wasn't a videogame.

The fighting sequences were pretty good. The problem I have with them is that they're Zack Snyder fighting sequences. Which means fiiiiiiiirrrrrrrssssssssssssttttttt eeeeeeeeevvvvveeeeeerrrrrrryyyyyytttthhhhiiiiiiiiinnnnngggg iiiiiiiissssssss ssssslloooooooooowwwwww andthenit'sfast aaaaaannnnnnnnd theeeeeennnn ittttttt sllllloooooowwws dooooooowwwwnnnnnnnn aaaagggaaaiiiinnn. So if you can't handle that, you will not be happy.

I think this is the movie that ruined it for me. In 300 it was new and stylish, Watchmen took it's sweet time but it was still ok, but this is just waaaay over the limit. The first sequence is especially tiring. Halfway through I was wondering when it was going to speed up. One could argue it's artistic, but if I want to look at a painting longer, you don't have to extend the canvas to infinity. Does he really need to focus on Every little miniscule detail of everything all the time and turn it into a 3 hour movie? I think in real time this movie would take half an hour.

The other problem with the fighting sequences(and overall story) is that I didn't really care about the characters until midway through when they started dying off. Sure, in Watchmen it was cool when Rorschach had awesome fight scenes because we love him as a character, but they never give us much to grab onto here, other than they're beautiful battered women.

And then there's the dialogue and soundtrack. I feel I need to include these together because I frankly thought there were more words in the songs than in the dialogue. I'm forever a minimalist and I'll be the first to say you should always show rather than tell, but he wasn't really saying anything with the imagery, other than, "hey look, girls shooting crap!" It's doubly annoying because I rarely like wordy songs played over the movie. It just feels cliche and takes away from it(though I do have to say I like the soundtrack and will probably buy it). A friend of mine said that it was like one big music video and I can't help but agree. Incidentally, why the hell isn't Zack Snyder making insane ass music videos?

The Cgi does all look nice, and by gum there's alot if it. There are some even some nice acting spots in Carla Gugino, Oscar Issac, John Hamm and Scott Glenn. I do have to give credits to the credits though, they're very stylish of the girls doing burlesque dancing, but it never once goes to the black scroll. Have you ever seen graphical credits that go all the way to the end?

So all in all, MEH. I did enjoy parts of it, wouldn't call it terrible, but wouldn't call it a masterpiece either. It's got some great sequences and all the cgi looks nice and it even has some nice acting here and there. If you like seeing scantily clad women kick ass you can't go wrong. Otherwise, I'm sure there's another movie worth your time and money.

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