Carnage

Get out your coffee table books and apple cobbler, we're reviewing Carnage!

When Nancy(Kate Winslet) and Alan(Christopher Waltz) Cowan's son hits Penelope(Jodie Foster) and Michael(John C. Reilly) Longstreet's son, both groups of parents agree to meet and cordially discuss their sons' altercation. The evening starts out courteous but gets progressively more agressive as tempers flair.

Evangelion 1.11 You are (Not) Alone

Get out your giant sentient robots, we're reviewing Evangelion 1.11 You Are (Not) Alone!

I have discovered that Evas are my favorite giant robot to draw and IT IS AMAZING.

The world is threatened by giant monsters called Angels, and the only ones who can stop them are the operatives at NERV with giant robots called EVAs, piloted by a meek boy named Shinji.  Will he fight or run away?

Sketched TV: Defiance

Get out your good make-up and bad cgi, we're reviewing Defiance!

I want her to have more to do. Make her the main character instead of Nolan!

In the near future, Earth has been taken over and changed by the Votan, a collection of different races of aliens from another star system. Nolan(Grant Bowler) and Irisa(Stephanie Leonidas) are two scavengers looking for fortune, when they're troubles take them to the small town of Defiance.

Seven Psychopaths

Get out your guns and screenplays, we're reviewing Seven Psychopaths!

I made Colin Farrell look like a dope! Dammit Josh!

Marty(Colin Farrell) is trying to write a screenplay called "Seven Psychopaths" with his friends Billy(Sam Rockwell) and Hans(Christopher Walken). Fortunately and unfortunately, Billy is in the dog-stealing-and-selling-back business, and when he steals a Shitzu from the psychopathic Charlie(Woody Harrelson), Marty is going to get more reference than he'll ever need!

Evil Dead

Get out your skin-bound books and blood-caked chainsaws, we're reviewing Evil Dead!

Four friends escort Mia(Jane Levy) to a remote cabin in the woods so she can quit her coke addiction cold turkey in privacy. Unfortunately  they find remnants of what looks to be witchcraft, and when someone reads from an evil book THAT CLEARLY SAYS DON'T READ IT I MEAN GEEZ IT'S WRITEN IN BRIGHT RED YA BOZO then all matter of bloody shenanigans start happening!

Safety Not Guaranteed

Get out your guns and lasers, we're reviewing Safety Not Guaranteed!

If Aubrey Plaza stares into the abyss, the abyss runs home crying.

Darius(Aubrey Plaza) is an intern for a magazine. When one of the writers Jeff(Jake Johnson) takes her and Arnau(Karan Soni) on a trip to interview Kenneth(Mark Duplass) who supposedly is building a time-machine, she decides to pretend to be an assistant wanting to go back in time to get closer and find out if he can really do it. Can he really travel back in time?

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Get out your Cobra vipers and HISS tanks, we're reviewing G.I. Joe: Retaliation!

The president(Jonathan Pryce), who's really Zartan(Arnold Vosloo) in disguise, orders a strike on the G.I. Joes in an insidious plan for world domination from Cobra. Now it's up to the remainign Joes, Roadblock(Dwane Johnson), Snake Eyes(Ray Park), Lady Jaye(Adrianne Palicki) and Flint(D. J. Cotrona) to find help, clear their name, and save the world!