The Bad Sleep Well

Get out your birthday cakes and photographs, we're reviewing The Bad Sleep Well!

This is a black and white japanese noir from the 1960's, so already I know some of you are tuning off. For those of you still interested in old foreign films or noir, well, you might still be turned off.

Men in Black III

Get out your neuralizers and... get out your neuralizers and... get out your neuralizers and...we're reviewing Men in Black III!

"Just the aliens, ma'am."

It's hard not to see this as anything but a quick cashgrab sequel.  Hardly any of the actors(or even characters) from the previous two movies return, and it doesn't have that same MIB feel.  Still, it does have a bit of fun.

The City of Lost Children

Get out your talking brains and telescopic monocles(work with me here), we're reviewing The City of Lost Children!

This is a pretty strange movie written and directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, the famed director behind Amelie, and Delicatessen. This is stranger than both of those movies combined. Everything is so exaggerated I almost feel like I'm watching a cartoon by Studio Ghibli!

Battleship

Get out your pegs and plastic ships, we're playing reviewing Battleship!

They are playing the deadliest game.

Battleship is the most Michael Bayiest movie yet, and I am shocked-SHOCKED I SAY-that he had nothing to do with it. If you saw Transformers and thought that would be a perfect movie if not for all the weird robot storylines, then this is the movie for you.

13 things I'd like to see in the Amazing Spider-Man game

The Amazing Spider-Man game is set to release in June alongside the movie of the same name, and like the movie, I feel like it's going to be ok. Not great, just ok.  Movie tie-in games tend to be on the lack-luster side, and there hasn't been a great Spider-Man movie tie-in game since Spider-Man: The Movie: The Game for the xbox(no Spider-Man 2 was not great. Debate me in the comments!).  But what could turn The Amazing Spider-Man from a mediocre movie-tie in to the best Spider-Man game to date? Well here are 13 things to start with.

Spidey just looked at the new costume. What sense does any of that make?!

Dark Shadows

Get out your coffins and disco balls, we're reviewing Dark Shadows!

Johnny Depp was made to be a vampire. Is he a vampire in real life maybe?

This is a strange movie, and not just it's Tim Burtoniness(Tim Burtonisicty? Burtonese?) You can definitely feel it's soap opera roots and everyone has a fun time hamming it up, but it doesn't quite translate as well to the big screen.

The Five-Year Engagement

Get out your guns and get ready to shoot yourself in the face wedding rings and doughnuts, because we're reviewing The Five-Year Engagement!

I thought this came out pretty well.

Here's the short version: It's awful. Here's the long version: It's got some funny parts, but other than that, it's pretty awful. I cannot believe how uncomfortable and painful a movie co-written and starring Jason Segel and produced by Judd Apatow is. For the in-depth version...

The Avengers

Get out your hammers and shields and Gamma radiation, and pulse lasers and arrows...and wrist blasters, because we're reviewing The Avengers!

Seriously. Agent Coulson is our secret weapon. Who are all these other guys with hammers and lasers and whatever.

Hoooleeee crap. So this movie actually happened. I think it's safe to say everyone has already seen it, reviewed it, or made plans to see it. And if for some reason you're on the fence waiting for my good review, well first of all thank you and I'm glad my voice is that important to you, and second of all GO SEE THE MOVIE. Hopefully I can talk about a few things that haven't been mentioned as of yet.

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Buckle your swashes and grab your booty, we're reviewing The Pirates! Band of Misfits!

This is the next big animated movie from Aardman Studios, creator of Wallace and Gromit.  It uses a number of varying forms of animation, including stop-motion, 3D and 2D animation.  It's pretty good, but I had high expectations, and I really wanted to like it more than I did. 

Quick TV Review: Motorcity

Motorcity is a new animation on Disney XD from Titmouse, creators of Metalocalypse and behind such animations as Megas XLR, The Avatar opening, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the Animation.  It's a crazy cartoon about a futuristic detroit where kids in souped-up cars battle a megalomanic with giant robots.  If that's not enough to get you excited, it's a combination of Hot Wheels, Megas XLR, the Gorillaz animated music videos, Speed Racer and it features Mark Hamill! Also it strangely reminds me of Spider-Man Unlimited and Beast Machines, mostly from the futuristic overlord sense. But it's really good and you should check it out! It's on iTunes right now and hopefully they will be coming out with more soon. Also, animators should check out some of the behind-the-scenes clips.

The Raven

Get out your booze and blood, we're reviewing The Raven!

Maybe I should have made his forehead bigger.

I feel with The Raven they were trying to turn Edgar Allen Poe into a Sherlock Holmes type character and create a story similar to From Hell, but it doesn't quite work.  It feels like The Raven is trying to be a lot of things, a classic mystery, a torture-porn gore fest, a summer action movie, and a respectful look at Poe's life, without doing any one of them very well. Minor spoilers follow.