30 Minutes or Less

Get out your fake guns and ski masks because we're reviewing 30 minutes or less!

"How will lil' Aziz and Eisenberg try to get that bomb off this week?" You're welcome Hollywood, for making something even more ridiculous based off the true events.

This is a tough movie to review. This isn't a straight good or bad decision, there are aspects I like and aspects I don't.

Fright Night

Get out your stakes and crosses, we're reviewing Fright Night!

Anton Yelchin: Vampire Hunter.

Fright Night is a pretty fun movie with some great uses of 3D, but is it better than the original?

Conan the Barbarian

Take out your swords and...you know what, fuck it. Let's just get this piece of shit over with.

THE SWORD IS HIS PENIS. GET IT?!

This is a terrible movie. There I saved you 11$. Strictly reserved for Netflix/redbox/cable where you can make fun of it while playing a drinking game(the drinking game being of course drink every time this movie is goddamn awful). You don't even need to read the rest of this review. It's just going to be me bitching about how bad this movie is. Spoiler Alert, y'know, if you want to be surprised at how awful it is or something.

Attack the Block

Put on your masks and take out the fireworks, we're reviewing Attack the Block!

I'm semi-interested in doing a minimalist poster for this.

Believe all the hype. Attack the Block takes an original idea and provides a fun and fulfilling narrative.  It's this year's Scott Pilgrim, in that barely anyone will see it but everyone will be talking about it.  If Cowboys and Aliens left you high and dry in the originality department, this will be your sparkling oasis.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes of the Movie

Get out your nets and spears, we're reviewing Rise of the Planet of the Apes!

I don't think I got Caesar's sinister look quite right. 

Rise is a great Monkey movie that delivers. It tells an interesting story, and satisfies your ape action lust

Summer Wars

Turn off your cellphones and prepare your virtual avatars for battle, we're reviewing Summer Wars!

Summer Wars is a crazy new anime movie that feels like an amalgamation of at least twenty other movies. It's laughingly predictable, but enjoyable nonetheless.

Cowboys and Aliens

Get out your cattle prods and anal probes, we're reviewing Cowboys and Aliens!

Didn't quite capture Daniel Craig's likeness but I'll make a better sketch when they make a better movie. BAM!

I really wanted to like this movie. Even after everyone said it was meh, I still wanted to see it.  Some movies don't have the right audience or aren't exactly what people thought they were getting, and I was really hoping it was that, but it wasn't. Everyone was right. It's meh.