Sketched TV: TV SHOWS 2 GOOD FOR THIS GOOD FOR THIS WORLD 2: THE DUALQUEL

It's been a slow month, so here’s another round of:

TV Shows That Were UNCEREMONIOUSLY CUT FROM THEIR MORTAL COIL, WHY GOD, WHY?! 

These are in no particular order of importance or special grouping; they’re just a bunch of shows that were really, obnoxiously good and canceled way too soon. And no, we're STILL not talking about Firefly.

The Good Guys

This was your run-of-the-mill buddy-cop show, except it had Colin Hanks (aka mini-Tom Hanks), and Bradley Whitford (aka that guy from Cabin in the Woods) wearing an AMAZING mustache, and it was hilarious! Whitford plays Dan Stark, a washed-up veteran hero cop, and Hanks plays Jack Bailey, Stark’s by-the-books new partner. It did an amazing job at recreating those classic 1970's Starsky-and-Hutch style cop action movies, and even went so far as to subvert some of the more clichéd action movie classics. My favorite was when Jack walks into a room with both guns blazing and doesn't hit a thing. Bad guy goes, "Not as easy as it looks." Whitford was amazing at overacting the out-of touch 70's cop and IT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS, YOU UNGRATEFUL CRETINS.

Death Valley

I bet a lot of you have never heard of this because it was on MTV, and not MTV back when it was cool. This actually debuted with the new Teen Wolf series and I'm baffled that this didn't get more than one season. It's a mockumenatry featuring a special branch of police (called the Undead Task Force) after vampires, werewolves, and zombies have shown up in the San Fernando Valley. Think Reno 911 meets Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was exceptionally funny and had a great cast of characters, including MAD TV's Bryan Callen as the captain. AND WEREWOLVES MAKING PORN AND ZOMBIES IN DONUT SHOPS WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT IN LIFE!? If you like funny cop shows and undead hilarity I'd recommend finding it on DVD or one of the streaming services.

Alphas

THIS SHOW WAS BASICALLY X-MEN BUT SMARTER AND YOU DON'T DESERVE TO SEE ITS MAGNIFICENCE. Yeah, so this show IS X-Men, in that there's a growing population of humans with special abilities - but it’s more specific, technical, scientific! Instead of having super-strength, one guy can control his adrenal glands to make himself go aggro. One girl has hyper senses and is great at investigating crime scenes, but is a super neat freak. My favorite is Gary, played amazingly by Ryan Cartwright, who has a learning disability but can see radio waves, phone signals, etc. in the air. It was fun seeing all the new 'Alphas' they'd encounter and they had some incredible story arcs. What’s more tragic than this show being canceled? Why, that would be the fact that the second season ended ON A FUCKING CLIFFHANGER, YOU GODDAMN PUPPY-PUNCHERS!

Human Target

This was a show about a retired secret agent and his team that took the cases no one else would. Like a one-man A-Team. It had an incredible cast: Mark Valley, who looks like he could play Captain America – DON'T FIGHT ME ON THIS; Chi McBride (see my previous article with Pushing Daisies); and Jackie Earl Haley, AKA MOTHERFUCKIN' RORSCHACH – YOU GONNA CANCEL A SHOW WITH RORSCHACH, YOU DONE GOOFED SON! The show has laughs and great action. It had an AMAZING opening and managed to accomplish the rare feat of surpassing the quality of its source material (at least, in my opinion). Mostly it was carried by its cast. Valley was the charming guy who got into trouble, McBride was the skeptic who tried not to get into trouble, and Haley was the scary guy you didn't mess with. They had great chemistry together. In the second season, they even added some women to the team! That's nice, even though one of them turns out to be a love interest. Bleh. 

That's it for this installment of shows TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD, YOU MONSTERS. What are some of your favorite shows that were canceled too soon? Maybe next time I'll do a special all-cartoon intallment!