The Hangover Part 2

Roofie yourself and grab your smoking monkey, we're reviewing The Hangover Part 2!

It's pretty funny, but it's exactly like the first one. I mean, EXACTLY. It's as if someone took the script from the first movie, took out certain words, then put in other words like the most boring mad lib. And also every word is penis. I'm not even going to bother with a summary of the plot. Just take your Hangover mad libs sheet, scratch out "Las Vegas" and put in penis Bangkok.

Guest Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Hey movie goers! I haven't seen Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides yet(and from the reviews have no real desire to do so), but my friend Noelle has seen it and wanted to do a guest sketch and review! She did an awesome colored sketch and a pretty funny and enlightening review. Thanks Noelle!

Enjoy the following from Noelle Loughran:

Here there be pirates. Again.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of the Pirates franchise. I’ve got a Jack Sparrow blanket to prove it. But Disney, like many other movie giants, has a hard time laying a franchise to rest at the optimal time. They’re much more fond of the ‘beating the dead horse’ method.

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

Sketched List: 15 Awesome Trailers, Bad Movies

Ugh. This image is a mess. Much like these movies! Zing!

Hey there fellow movie lovers! In this downturn of recent movies to review, I've been thinking over movies that had awesome trailers that really got you pumped, but couldn't follow through with a solid movie. This isn't a comprehensive list as I'm sure it would be much longer. These are just the ones that A) I remember the trailers and B) I really felt let down by them.

Thor

Get out your Hammers and winged helmets, we're taking the rainbow bridge to Thor!

I went with the more traditional version. Your welcome ladies.

Looks like I haven't done a post in a couple of weeks. Well first I haven't seen many movies, I've actually been catching up on TV like Adventure Time and Batman: The Brave and the Bold. Plus I've been busy with comics and a certain boardgame. But anyways, onto Thor!

Thor is a really fun movie that's great for all ages, even though it has a PG-13 rating. It has a bunch of cool fight scenes and the visuals are stunning and original.

Hanna

Get out your guns and storybooks, we're reviewing Hanna!

Once upon a time, there was a very special little girl, who lived in the woods with her father...

An evil witch(Cate Blanchett)wanted to capture this special girl all for herself, but her father(Eric Bana) stole her away in the woods and trained her until she was ready. When the time was right, she went out into the world to kill the witch. The wicked witch sent all her most evil of henchmen to stop the little girl, but the girl would not stop.

That girl...is Hanna.

The Disappearance of Alice Creed

Get your ski masks on because we're going to review The Disappearance of Alice Creed!

This is a gripping thriller about a kidnapping. It's very minimalist and very intense. It's also one of those movies that's hard to write a review for because you don't want to ruin anything.

Two guys trick out an apartment room and kidnap Alice Creed(Gemma Arterton). And then as they handle her being released for the money, things get crazy.

That's all I can tell you about the story, the rest you'll have to go discover for yourself. It's very minimalist(there are only three actors in the entire movie) and very badass. The first 5 minutes are in complete silence and it's just the kidnappers preparing the room for the kidnapping. And then they kidnap her.

It's very straightforward in a way that isn't done at all these days. No flashbacks, no side stories, no lovable bit characters, they don't even have phone conversations with the parents or police. It's just the kidnappers and Alice.

It's very suspenseful and has so many twists and has so many twists and turns right up to the very end. You never now who's playing who and who's in league with who. Also, it's got action and tons of nudity on both sides, so there's that.

So yeah, go watch it. Had it a different style it'd be a noir. It has some great acting and some killer twists. Highly recommended for those who love suspenseful crime thrillers.

Sketched List: 7 things filmmakers should be copying from District 9

My apologies to the Prawn nation for any inaccuracies, I freehanded the crap out of this.

Last year, this year, and I'm sure years after, filmmakers are and will be trying to "make the next District 9". That is, make the next big breakout sci-fi alien flick. Monsters, Skyline, and recently Battle: Los Angeles all tried to do this with mixed results at best. What were they doing wrong and what are the aspects of the stupendous District 9 should they be copying? Here are 7 things the movie did right that filmmakers don't get.

7) It wasn't an invasion story

Most every alien story dating back to the 1950's has the same story: They come, they invade, we kick their asses back. This is not the story of District 9. The aliens landed sure, but not to invade and conquer; in fact they don't even say why they came to Earth in the first place. But the real story is about Wikus uncovering the mistreatment of the Prawn species and desperately trying not to turn into one of them and getting one of the smarter Prawns back home. This is a much more interesting and less egotistical story(They're a ridiculously advanced species and they always need to invade for our resources? Really?) In fact, a few of the better alien stories had this 'alien trying to get back home' story arc (See E.T and Paul).

6) It wasn't set in America

Not that I'm anti-America, and of course it makes sense for filmmakers to set it in America to pander to American film audience, but really, why do Aliens always feel the need to invade New York or L.A.? Is the Pizza really that good?(answer: yes) In fact Cracked did an article explaining why, even if there was a good reason to invade the U.S., it would be a poor war strategy to directly invade. In District 9, the aliens touched dirt in some hobunk town in Africa, a completely random spot. If you are going to pick the U.S. of A., at least pick some random town for no particular reason.

5) The main character wasn't a stereotype

Yes, he was a white male who worked in an office. But he wasn't a meathead, or a mysterious loner, or a nerdy kid trying to impress a girl for an entire movie. He was just a regular guy with normal needs and wants. He wasn't ridiculously altruistically good. He didn't come out at the very beginning of the movie citing how he's completely against the mistreatment of Prawns, he was just as racist(Specisist? Alienist?) as everyone else. He was damn near unlikable at times. This made him realistic, interesting, and gave room for a believable story arc in which he eventually turned into a hero.

4) Interesting Aliens

These aren't just humans with cat faces, or your generic run of the mill little gray invaders. These are dirty looking weird shrimp insect creatures that don't even have proper mouths! Oh and they're one of the only alien races to wear clothing for once. And you have to give them props for building robots in their spitting image instead of big lumbering boring mechs.

3) It was a movie that delivered

It had great cgi alien creatures, insane drug lords, spaceships, giant robots shooting missiles and tossing cars, and for those who've played half-life 2, the godamn Gravity Gun. Unlike some other movies where there's just a flash here and there of action and then it's back to the talking and brooding, or a dramatic build up of the alien throughout the movie; they show you the aliens outright, show some toys you'd want to see played with and then they played with them.

2) It had Meat

And no, I'm not talking about catfood. District 9 had a story, it had depth, it had a meaning. It had multiple levels of understanding; how the prawns were treated and what that was a metaphor for, how accepted racism can be, and the degradation of a society. It had a deep story with varied and interesting characters. It wasn't just a rehash of Dances with Pocahontas in Furngully.

1) It was hard to watch

This is tough for film makers to do, but District 9 did it. A distressing movie is hard to watch but it compels us to watch it more. It puts characters we feel for through the meat grinder and blames us for putting them there. The main character is dying and there is no way to save him. Innocent aliens are being oppressed. A child is separated from his father. This wasn't a "fuck yeah blow shit up" feel good movie, this is a movie that made you think and made you hurt, and I defy alien filmmakers to do it again.