Suckerpunch

Put on your scantily clad outfits and splash on the eyeliner(you too ladies), we're reviewing Suckerpunch!

Seriously, all the areas where you wouldn't want fishnet, there are fishnet.

MEH.

That sums up my whole review. It's kinda good but what's the point. See it, don't see it, who cares.

Well ok, if you REALLY want a review...

Written and directed by Zack Snyder, who also directed 300 and Watchmen(So if you liked those movies you already know whether or not you're going to see this), this is a story about a young girl named Baby Doll(Emily Browning) unjustly put away in a girls insane asylum by her evil stepfather and her plan to escape said insane asylum with the help of four other girls stuck in the same position. The main doctor(Carla Gugino) teaches girls they can take control their life and oppressors by imagining their environment however they want it to be. Scantly clad adventures ensue.

Let me first comment that I am a guy watching this, so my view of watching hot girls in skimpy outfits kicking ass is understandably skewed. There's been alot of back and forth on every other review site about how Snyder is degrading women and/or uplifting them. Personally, I can't really say it's the most female degrading film(that would be Twilight), and I can't say it uplifts in the way Snyder intended it to be. it's just jumbled, somewhere in the middle. He's saying one thing but showing another. The message comes on way too heavy especially at the very end.

I'm not going to say the skimpy outfits and obscene amounts of make-up themselves are degrading to women because I now quite a few women who love to wear just as ridiculous outfits and tons of make-up. They do burlesque, they model, they party, don't tell me it doesn't happen. Where it does fall is context. There are a couple of scenes where it's supposed to feel like a real drama, like one in which they're all crying over each other, trying to convince each other to escape, and it's obviously suppose to be serious, but they're still in they're ridiculous burlesque costumes with glittery eyelashes. So when they're hugging my male brain instinctively goes, "Are they...are they gonna make out?" Wait, does that say more about how Snyder handled the context poorly or my male chauvinist brain?

I do have to say, they're not "exploiting" their characters but they're making action figures? Yeah, sure.

Moving on to the actual visuals, if you came to see hot girls in skimpy clothing fighting ridiculous crap, you'll be pleased to know there's hot girls in skimpy clothing fighting ridiculous crap. There's orcs and dragons. There's mechanized samurai with miniguns. There's futuristic robots. There's freaking steam powered nazi zombies for crap sakes! Honestly, I don't know why this wasn't a videogame.

The fighting sequences were pretty good. The problem I have with them is that they're Zack Snyder fighting sequences. Which means fiiiiiiiirrrrrrrssssssssssssttttttt eeeeeeeeevvvvveeeeeerrrrrrryyyyyytttthhhhiiiiiiiiinnnnngggg iiiiiiiissssssss ssssslloooooooooowwwwww andthenit'sfast aaaaaannnnnnnnd theeeeeennnn ittttttt sllllloooooowwws dooooooowwwwnnnnnnnn aaaagggaaaiiiinnn. So if you can't handle that, you will not be happy.

I think this is the movie that ruined it for me. In 300 it was new and stylish, Watchmen took it's sweet time but it was still ok, but this is just waaaay over the limit. The first sequence is especially tiring. Halfway through I was wondering when it was going to speed up. One could argue it's artistic, but if I want to look at a painting longer, you don't have to extend the canvas to infinity. Does he really need to focus on Every little miniscule detail of everything all the time and turn it into a 3 hour movie? I think in real time this movie would take half an hour.

The other problem with the fighting sequences(and overall story) is that I didn't really care about the characters until midway through when they started dying off. Sure, in Watchmen it was cool when Rorschach had awesome fight scenes because we love him as a character, but they never give us much to grab onto here, other than they're beautiful battered women.

And then there's the dialogue and soundtrack. I feel I need to include these together because I frankly thought there were more words in the songs than in the dialogue. I'm forever a minimalist and I'll be the first to say you should always show rather than tell, but he wasn't really saying anything with the imagery, other than, "hey look, girls shooting crap!" It's doubly annoying because I rarely like wordy songs played over the movie. It just feels cliche and takes away from it(though I do have to say I like the soundtrack and will probably buy it). A friend of mine said that it was like one big music video and I can't help but agree. Incidentally, why the hell isn't Zack Snyder making insane ass music videos?

The Cgi does all look nice, and by gum there's alot if it. There are some even some nice acting spots in Carla Gugino, Oscar Issac, John Hamm and Scott Glenn. I do have to give credits to the credits though, they're very stylish of the girls doing burlesque dancing, but it never once goes to the black scroll. Have you ever seen graphical credits that go all the way to the end?

So all in all, MEH. I did enjoy parts of it, wouldn't call it terrible, but wouldn't call it a masterpiece either. It's got some great sequences and all the cgi looks nice and it even has some nice acting here and there. If you like seeing scantily clad women kick ass you can't go wrong. Otherwise, I'm sure there's another movie worth your time and money.

The Road: Sketched Commentary

The Road is one of those movies that is hard to do a review for. It's old enough that anyone who was thinking about seeing it has already seen it, but not old enough to review as a forgotten gem that people don't remember, and not indy enough that someone might have missed it coming out. So I've decided to do more of a discussion about it instead.

For anyone who still hasn't seen it and is wondering if he should, it's a pretty depressing post apocalyptic movie. It's good depressing, very suspenseful, and Viggo is great in it, so if you like end of the world movies, it's worth a viewing. You should probably leave now and go watch it as spoilers are ahead.

So for everyone else, wow, what a depressing movie huh? A mother left her son, there were cannibals, guys stealing clothes, dying forests, oh and cannibals. It's got a depressing beginning, a depressing middle, and a hopeful end. A lot of critics were faulting the story for having such a hopeful ending; not that anyone changed it from the book, it just gave a different mood from the rest of the movie, as though it didn't fit.

They've been running from cannibals, everyone is trying to kill them, the father is constantly trying to teach the kid not to trust anyone, then when Viggo finally dies at the end, along comes a nice family with kids and a dog to take care of his kid? What? How can that fit?

But I have a different theory. I think that the ending changes the context of the entire movie. Throughout the movie, the audience has been seeing the world through Viggo's eyes. It's a dark unforgiving place with people constantly trying to kill them. His wife left him and his kid, everyone is following them, everyone wants their food and supplies, and danger lurks around every corner.

But is that really how it was? Perhaps the father wasn't "the good guy" after all. Maybe if he had looked at the world as the child did, they wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble. Maybe no one was "following" them, maybe the group at the beginning wasn't a group of cannibals, maybe it was just a dog with a nice family outside the hatch, maybe the people who shot him in the leg with an arrow were just as scared as him and only wanted to defend their territory. The world is relative, and it's all how you view it.

The house with the hunters and the girls locked up in the basement was completely fucked up though.

The Adjustment Bureau

Put on your fancy hat look out for the G-men, we're reviewing The Adjustment Bureau!

Hmmm, I like the idea and the sketch, not sure about the shading though.

Going into this, I didn't have high hopes. I'm getting pretty tired of the whole concept of "fate" and the plot of a character fighting against his fate only to prove it coming true. But honestly, I really dug The Adjustment Bureau. They had some interesting takes on the idea, the mood was fun and lighthearted, the dialogue was funny, and it had some nice door jumping sequences.

David Norris(Matt Damon) is an up and coming politician who's just lost an election. But meeting a crazy young woman, Elise(Emily Blunt) gives him the energy to give a great losing speech(It actually is a great speech, were he a real politician I would vote for him) and get back on the political wagon. He meets her again on the bus and begins to fall for her, when a group of men in suits (lead by John Slattery from Madmen) whisk him away to a secret room and explain he was only supposed to meet her once. They're falling in love isn't "part of the plan" you see. But David has feelings for her and some secret organization isn't about to stop him from seeing her! Over the course of the rest of the movie, David tries to get back with Elise while the men in suits try to stop him.

If you're tired of movies with fate like I am, I'll let you know you don't have to worry too much. They do find some interesting ways around it, which I'll discuss below, and it all seems pretty believable. For one thing, they don't fall into the same love story cliches of other rom coms. The "He's a straight arrow and she's a free spirit" trope? He has a wild side, he's actually known for partying too hard back in his frat days. The "oh they just met, but they fall madly in love" trope? The movie actually takes place over the course of 3-4 years, which I was delightfully surprised at, giving their romance time to blossom, and giving him some time to actually listen to the Bureau a couple of times. Why is he so fixated on her and why can't he just pick another girl? They explain that, which I'll discuss below, but if you don't want to be spoiled I'd suggest you just go check it out for yourself.

The writing and dialogue is a ton of fun to watch. Damon and Blunt have some great conversations together that actually feel like real chemistry, and hearing Slattery offhandedly talk about keeping the world together as if it was some boring desk job is entertaining and comical.

As you've no doubt seen in the previews, they can travel crazy distances through any door. They have a few fun sequences and it's done well, but mostly it's reminiscent of "Tom Cruise running" where I'd like to see "Jason Bourne beating the crap out of people", or even some Inception style acrobatics. And if you're wondering, no it's nothing compared to the door chase in Monsters Inc.

The style is cool, the dialogue is funny, pacing is nice, and it's got some great action sequences. It's not the best or most original movie, but it's a fun movie worth seeing nonetheless and I could easily watch it two more times. Recommended for a fun jaunt out.

So yes, you should go see it. And if you don't want to be spoiled, you can stop reading now. For everyone who's already seen it, or who isn't going to see it and doesn't care about it getting ruined, I'm going to discuss the idea of fate it has.

SPOILER WARNING: Discussing Fate

So basically, David's fighting against the plan because it's all part of the plan. Wha? Let me explain.

See, they all talk about, "The Plan" written by "The Chairman", but it's not one set plan, it's an ever changing plan. That's why they have the adjustment Bureau, to do little changes to make sure everything stays within the plan. So why is he so transfixed on this one girl? Because in an earlier plan(or several), they were supposed to be together. They were basically made for each other. But then the plan changed, so even though it's a new plan, they still feel like they're part of the old plan. Interesting, right? It sort of goes back to that notion that we're predisposed to like people because of something in our genes or childhood.

And being that it has a longer timeline, David actually listens to the guys upstairs and lets her go the first time they interact with him. Then when they get back together(after 3 years) and he leaves again because he doesn't want to mess up her future. The only reason he keeps coming back is because he feels it's right to be with her from some messed u part of a former plan. I find this more realistic than just meeting her, instantly falling in love with her, and then fighting at every turn for her.

Of course the one problem I have is that no one really tells him this is why he likes her, so he doesn't have any time to rebel against his own feelings that were possibly instigated by the Bureau itself at an earlier date, which I would have liked. It would have changed the movie into an existential crisis that questioned why you do the things you do and if you really have free will. But by itself, it still has some interesting ideas and is worth a viewing.

Rango!

Saddle yer turkeys and hang yer opossums 'cause we're reviewin' Rango!

How are people liking the sketchy coloring?

Fair warning: I am completely biased because I LOVE Chameleons. Easily my favorite animal and I think they can never appear in too many movies.

Rango was a ton of fun and very funny. It's a must see for any animation aficionados with some wonderful character acting and amazing sequences. I don't think I would say it was a perfect movie or my favorite, but it was a damn good story with great characters.

The movie starts out as our nameless hero is putting on a show for himself with himself as the lead (with heart wrenching supporting roles from a wind up fish and a decapitated barbie doll). Just as he suddenly has an epiphany that he needs conflict in his life, he gets thrown out of his cage, out of the car his family was traveling in and onto the dusty road. He meets an armadillo that acts as a kind of spiritual guide to send him on his journey to Dirt, and it's at this new western town that he meets a whole cavalcade of characters and starts to re-imagine himself as the badass hero he wants to be known only as...Rango. He gets into trouble with outlaws, becomes the new lawman in town, and lucks his way into a whole slew of western adventures in an effort to find the town's water.

See, they don't use money here, they use water. It's this and so many other little touches that show they really created an intricate, living breathing world. All the characters are unique; they have interesting clothing, different accents, and lovable quirks! If you're into animation at all, this is one you NEED to see, it's just that beautiful in a ridiculously detailed kind of way. All the other reviews emphasize how "ugly" everything is, but being a character designer, and being someone who loves creepy animal designs(see brother rabbit) I couldn't get enough of the characters! For me they were the perfect animal-human hybrids and the designs were a real throwback to crazy stylistic 2d animation.

Johnny Depp does a stellar job as the blank slate protagonist. He's silly, dramatic, and just plain fun. All the other actors have unique voices and they easily get lost in their characters. The humor is quirky and silly with enough double entendres stuffed in there to be enjoyable by adults as well as kids.

The story is fairly predicable; "oh, [that character] can't be bad...oh no [that character] is actually bad! Who would have seen that coming," but it is an entertaining ride throughout. There are some fantastic sequences including shootouts, cavern diving, and an amazing chase with hillbillies on bats with a hillbillized version of The Ride of the Valkyries. And it had a weird but great cameo from a well known western character!For some reason I thought it got a little too ridiculous when plants started to move, completely glossing over the fact that animals can not only walk and talk but also have tiny clothes and guns.

I do have to say one of the things I didn't like and something I look forward to in movies was the end credits. It was somewhere between full rendering and stylized cartoon with choppy animation. It felt like it was trying to have classy 2D animation showing the process or early designs like a Pixar or disney movie, but they were too lazy to hire 2D animators and just did a crappy stop-motion using the actual models. Not that this is going to stop anyone from seeing it or take away from the overall score, it's just a personal disappointment in a movie like this.

All in all Rango is a great animated movie for kids and adults alike. A must-see for prospective animators, and a should-see for everyone else. Also, Chameleons.

Kiss Me Deadly

Today we discover a great whatsit in Kiss Me Deadly!

This movie had a great use of light and shadow, look at that first shot! And also, a crazy lady opening the infamous 'great whatsit'.

I know what you're thinking. "Another noir Josh? Aren't you tired of these old black and white whodunits yet?" NEVER! I'm actually going to do a list of my favorites sometime in the near future, because this is a movie blog, and what's a movie blog with out lists in intervals of 10?

Anyways, back to the review. Kiss Me Deadly is about womanizing detective Mike Hammer(Ralph Meeker) trying to uncover a woman's murder and a mysterious "whatsit" that everyone is trying to get their hands on.

Let's go to the Noir Stats:

Light and Shadowness: 8/10

Bleakdepressibility: 9/10

Batmanitude: 6/10

Dialogue: 7/10

Creepiness: 5/10

Cthulhuocity: (:€/10

Ok, so it doesn't distinctly have the great tentacled Lord Cthulhu, but his has a creepy box with tentacles that has Something in it, so there's no saying it's not the dark tentacled lord either. But in all seriousness, it is quite creepy.

If you read any other review of this movie(or the back of the box even, thanks alot DVD case) it will tell you how it ends, which I never like to hear. So let me just say, it doesn't end well. In fact, it probably has the bleakest ending of any noir ever, tilting dreadfully over the edge of the supernatural. And that's really how any good noir should end, but this isn't a good noir, it's a great one.

It's dark, it's bleak, it's downcast, and downright disturbing. Everything about this from the tone to the story to the lighting to the characters screams noir. Not even the main hero, Mike Hammer, is a beacon of light; he's just a thug who can't remember what right is anymore. He does his job, and does what's necessary to get the job done. Oh and did I mention he's batman?

Let me lay it down for you:

Women flock to him

He can't be killed,

He's a loner and tragedy follows him everywhere,

What he does to thugs is so extreme and badass to show on screen. All you'll ever see is thugs cower away in fear. He is totally batman.

All the supporting characters are interesting and full of individuality. The villain's are menacing, the friends are jovial, the thugs are hard, and the dames are beautiful.

Let's get back to the dark creepiness. The first sign is the opening credits, which are going the wrong way, and feature a woman whimpering hysterically in the background. These are the most disturbing opening credits you'll ever see:

After that, it just gets weirder. There's the oddly calm voice of the villain, the female victims of the crazy ward, the horrified screams of Thugs after Mike gets done with them, and the strange whisperings from a box not to be opened.

The pacing is good and provides some great tension. The dialogue is top notch and thoroughly enjoyable; each character has their own distinct voice and the main characters have some great monologues.

For Noir fanatics, this is a must, but it's just a great creepy, actiony old movie for anyone. I highly recommend it. A top notch 12 out of 13.

"Kiss me, Mike. I want you to kiss me. Kiss me. The liar's kiss that says I love you, and means something else. You're good at those kisses, Mike. Kiss me."

10 lessons about relationships from Movies

So maybe it's Valentine's Day for you, maybe it's Single Awareness Day, I say screw the holidays and watch movies!

In honor of this semi-glorious greeting card day, I'm doing a list of some of my favorite movies about relationships and the lessons they teach us. NOTE: These are not nessesarily romantic comedies, or even movies mainly ABOUT relationships; if that was the case, all that would teach us is that people can fall in love within hours, always date the person who's the exactly opposite of you as long as their hot, and two people will always get back together in a monogamous relationship with no repercussions.

Yeah. Sure. As if. Spoilers probably. In no specific order:

Rushmore

The story: Boy falls in love with teacher and does ridiculous illegal things to get her affection.

The Lesson: You can't always get what you want, but if you try real hard, you get what you need.

This is a Wes Anderson movie, with Jason Schwartzman as the lead, and Bill Murry as his older friend, so already you should see this movie. Max Fischer fancies himself a renaissance man of Rushmore academy by joining ever club concievable, but in reality, he has horrible grades. After reading a quote from a library book, he falls in madly love with a teacher, Miss Cross and goes about saving classes and building an aquarium for her. He tries to get her throughout the entire movie and acts like a real jerk when he doesn't.

He eventually gets kicked out of school and meets a bright student, miss Margaret Yang, in his new public school who really has the hots for him. He dislikes her because she's actually a good student with decent grades, but in the end he finds out she's just as messed up as he is, finally letting go of his crush on Miss Cross. Sure he didn't get the prize he was looking for, but he found someone even better, the person he needed.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

The story: Boy falls in love with a girl but then has to beat the girl's seven evil ex's to win her affection.

The Lesson: Breaking up is haaaard.

At the beginning of the movie, Scott is "dating" a high schooler, Knives Chang. But as soon as he sees Ramona roller-skate through his dreams, he...well just starts dating Ramona. It's not after goading from his roommate does he do the right thing and break it off with Knives...in the quickest, worst way possible.

Guys, gals, I know its tough. I feel you. You do really like this person and you don't want to hurt them, and you really wish you were still dating them if it wasn't for reasons X, Y and Z, and they deserve better and you want to leave them better than you found them sure sure, but be an adult about it. Don't be a Scott Pilgrim.

Forgetting Sarah Marshal

The story: Boy gets dumped by girl, boy tries to get over girl by going on vacation, boy meets same girl at vacation spot with other boy she's dating.

The lesson: Getting dumped sucks.

This is the movie I most recognized with when I had my bad break up. And it really does a great job of showing it: He goes through fits, he cries, he sees her everywhere, oh and now he gets to see some guy make out with her, isn't that fun? NO IT'S NOT I'LL STAB THEM BOTH IN THE EYE WITH MY-all I'm saying is that being dumped and breaking up sucks, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's just going to hurt for awhile and you just have to let it run it's course.

Also, Aldous Snow is a total dick.

Art School Confidential

The story: Boy goes to art school to become an aspiring artist but everyone there is crazy.

The lesson: WOMEN ARE BAT-SHIT CRAZY

Ok, maybe that's not the best lesson, but it's true. They're crazy. They have knives. I've seen them. It's a universal truth that, as the great Voltaire says, "All men are dumb, all women are crazy." ESPECIALLY artists. Trust me. I am an artist, we are all batshit crazy, that's our job.

Anyways, in the movie, Jerome is a virgin and wants to pop his cherry, so his friend tries to find the perfect artsy girl for him. Three crazy art broads later, Jerome is still a virgin. Honestly, I think I've met all three of these girls. So yeah, just be careful out there.

500 Days of Summer

The story: boy mets girl, girl dumps boy, boy tries to get girl back.

The lesson(s): Don't look for the girl of your dreams and things may not always be working out like you think they are.

Tom was expecting to fall in love. He had an idea in his head of what the relationship would be and what she would be like. She would be quirky, and love all the same things he does. Then Summer comes along and fills that quota and he absolutely knows she's the girl for him. But sometimes, its just not that person. Don't visualize your expectations onto someone else. And just because you think the relationship is going well, doesn't make it so. Learn how to read your significant other better so you're not taken by surprise when she suddenly wants to break up.

Sweeney Todd

The story: Boy loses girl, boy goes insane, boy meets new girl, boy and girl kill people and turn them into pies, everyone dies at the end.

The lesson: A relationship cannot be built upon lies.

Mrs. Lovett really wants her relationship to work out with the butcher barber extraordinaire, Todd, so she keeps a couple of things form him about his former wife. Well, that hurts her and her relationship in the end. Very much. Literally. So yes, if you're just starting a relationship, be upfront about things in the beginning, even if it risks the relationship. It'll be better to get it out of the way now than to have it explode in your face later.

The Prestige

The story: boy and another boy are magicians, one boy is married but then that doesn't work out and other boy gets a new girl and then the first boy gets an assistant girl and aaaaaaaah crap. Whatever.It's about magicians and it's directed by Chris Nolan and contains David Bowie and has wolverine battling batman so just go see it.

The lesson: Try juggling two and you'll lose both.

One of the magicians meets a girl and they get married and have a daughter, but then he gets a new assistant and they fall in love. Granted, it's Scarlet Johannson as an assistant, but still, it doesn't end well for either of his lady friends. So if you're in a commited relationship, stay committed. Or else: David Bowie.

The Mask

The story: Boy gets magical mask so he can become a crazy cartoon hero guy and woo a girl.

The lesson: The nice girl isn't always the nice girl.

Oh, you didn't expect to see this in here, did you? I love this movie for this message, and I really wish they'd have it more often. Stanley Ipkiss really really REALLY wants to go after the incredibly hot blonde that sings at the lounge, but his brain is telling him he should probably just go with down-to-earth Peggy because she's a real normal woman and not some snooty floozy. But what happens when shit hits the fan? The nice common girl sells him out and he ends up with the hot blonde! WHAT?

Has anyone else noticed that trend in movies lately? Well not just lately, I guess it's an ongoing theme to subliminally keep common folk in line. Have you seen this before? The main guy is obsessed with the really really hot girl but friends with the still-hot-but-she's-wearing-glasses-so-it-doesn't-count girl, and in the end he finds out the hot girl isn't real and the real girl has been in front of him this whole time.

Ugh man, stop stereotyping people. See, don't put expectations on people. Just because a girl or guy looks nice, doesn't make it so, and visa versa for the exceedingly hot people. And why can't we get some more movies where there are two very reasonable choices?

The Mummy Returns

The story: Boy and girl have to stop an evil mummy from controlling the world.

The lesson: You have to be selfless for the relationship to work.

Wah? The mummy returns? Really? Have I gone mad? Well it's quite possible. But this has the quintessential selfless relationship scene so cheesy it works. Rick and Evy are the good couple and the mummy and his resurrected bride are the evil couple. And wouldn't you know it? Both Rick and the mummy are dangling over the pit of hell while the temple is crumbling to pieces. What does the good couple do? Well, they both think only of each other's safety, so Evy rushes to help Rick up, while Rick tells her to just go. What does the evil couple do? The Mummy screams for his bride to come help him up, while she runs away screaming that she can't.

Well obviously with their team work the good couple survives. The mummy, resigned to his fate, lets go and tumbles down while his bride accidentally trips and falls into a pit of scorpions. Should have gone to couples counseling. But it just proves that both parties have to be think only of each other for the partnership to fully work.

Streets of Fire

The story: Girl gets kidnapped, Boy has to rush in and save her.

The lesson: sometimes, even if you love each other, it just doesn't work out.

Streets of Fire is a great classic 80's movie, and if you haven't seen it you should definately go check it out. It's a rock and roll fable. There's rock ballads, and fighting and even has William Defoe as a leather wearing bad guy. But here's the thing, I'm going to spoil the ending for you: The guy doesn't get the girl in the end. Sure they love each other and they'd do anything for each other and they're both hot so the laws of the movie gods say they should stay together, but she's a rock star and he's a tough guy. They just don't fit. And truth be told, that's just the way ti goes sometimes. Two people could be really perfect for each other, but they just don't Gel.

I hope you enjoyed this random list of movies. Do you agree with the lessons? What are your guys' favorite movies with relationships and what lessons can you learn from them?

Detour

This week we take a detour(giggle!) with the movie Detour!

I actually stopped the DVD in the middle of the movie so I could draw his face. Just look't that face! Now that's a hardened face.

Detour is a movie about Al Roberts(Tom Neal) trying to get to his honey in L.A. when he gets picked up by a man and accidentally kills him! Things get real heated when a prissy dame named Vera(Ann Savage) discovers his fiendish deed and tries to take him for all he's worth!

This is honestly one of my new favorite noirs. There aren't a lot of twists and turns and new characters, it's very intimate, very crowding. Most of the story is narrated by the main character, and it couldn't have been done better. Most movies with narration feel unneeded. They start off, "Hey, this is me. My name is john everyman. This is the story of how I did stuff." Detour, on the other hand, actually feels like he's thinking to himself. It uses the narration to add character instead of exposition.

I love ow they use the camera work and lighting to signify that it's all in his head. All of a sudden everyone goes quiet, the lights dim eerily, and the camera slowly pans in to Neal's distraught face.

The dialogue's so sharp you can cut a ripe mellon with it!

"There's a folding bed. you know how to use it?"

"I invented it."

Al and Vera, the main characters have such distinctive talking styles and they have so much fun hating each other you can't help but enjoy it.

The story is a tension filled progression into madness, like all great noir stories. The road to a good noir downfall is paved with characters trying to cover up their own messes in exceedingly ridiculous ways, and Detour is no different. You feel for Al as he digs himself further and further into a grave and get surprised at every turn as fate knocks him down again.

This has a great classic noir message: Fate will screw you over whenever it feels like it, and there's nothing you can do about it. The last images of Al walking down the side of the road mournfully, all his mistakes weighing him down, cements fate's cruel humor on life.

Man I loved this movie. I could easily watch it four more times. The dialogue is great, the story is sad, the cinematography is top notch, I'd give this a 35 out of 37. A must for noir enthusiasts. See you next time movie watcher people!

Scarlet Street

This week I review an old noir called Scarlet Street, because you know nothing interesting came out last week. And here's a sketch of two of the main actors, Edward G. Robinson and Dan Duryea. I went a little more cartoony this time.

This is a movie starring Edward G. Robinson and directed by Fritz Lang. Hold on a second while I have a noir geek out moment.

MOTHER FUCKING EDWARD G. ROBINSON AND FRITZ LANG?!

For those of you who don't understand why I'm freaking out about this, Edward G. Robinson (who was also in The Stranger) is a great character actor. I've seen him in a couple of noirs and one radio show(SUSPENSE!) and I think he's a fantastic actor. And then there's Fritz Lang. Sci-Fi buffs should know him from his silent masterpiece Metropolis, but noir buffs should know him from M: one of the greatest noir films made and viewed as the first real noir before noir was noir(It's a german film from the 1930's about the criminal organization trying to find a child murder and stars peter lorre. If you're into Noir, you should check it out).

The story involves a meager cashier named Chris Cross(Edward G Robinson), who happens to paint in his free time, and falls for a lay-about girl named Kitty(Joan Bennett), who herself is in love with no-good talkative thug Johnny(Dan Duryea). Things start to heat up when Chris spends more and more time with Kitty and Johnny tries to get Kitty to take poor meager Chris for all he's worth.

I have a real love hate relationship with this movie. I love the dialogue but I hate the pacing. I love the characters but I hate their personalities. I love the story but I hate how it unfolds.

The biggest problem I have with the story is that it involves painting and artists and as an artist it struk a real chorde. I suppose this should make it a good movie, but I just can't see any artist doing the things Chris does.

See Chris is actually a great painter, but Kitty wants to get money for Johnny, so he sells the paintings and tells an art critic SHE'S the artist, so she just goes along with it and steal's Chris's hard work. Then Chris finds out and beats the unholy crap out of her and...oh no wait he's completely ok with it and lets her sign her name.

...

WHAT?! Who would do that?! I just...I don't even...ugh. I was really hoping this would cause a change in him from meager Chris to badass gangster Edward G. Robinson, but no, not really.

Robinson does a great job with his part. You can really feel how small and meager and subordinate he is. Most movies have a character like this so they can have a dramatic change throughout the movie and really overcome their shortcomings, but in this case Chris is a pretty static character. Even when things get REALLY rough, he's still that meager bank clerk. I suppose this is the meaning of the story, that people can't really change who they are.

The rest of the cast members do a stand up job with their respective roles with Dan Duryea standing out. You really do hate the guy. The problem I see is that they add too many characters to the story and it just clutters it up and slows it down.

The cinematography and writing really shine through. The copy I had was pretty damn grainy, which actually helped make the shadows all the more menacing. The dialogue is top notch and pure noir wisecracking. "What's going on, Lazy Legs?" What I couldn't stand was the pacing, everything just dragged on forever. I found myself being entertained by the characters talking while simultaneously wondering when the scene was going to end.

The ending was not what I was expecting, which is both good and bad. Characters got their comeuppance and it actually makes sense for the characters and the world they inhabit, and even had a nice little ironic twist. The problem was that it dragged on too long. The movie had about 6 endings.

Overall I enjoyed Scarlet Street, it had great acting, sharp dialogue, an interesting story and masterful cinematography, it just dragged on for far too long. I'd give it a nice 34 out of 48. Recommended for the noir buffs out there but I don't know if I'd watch it again.

The Stranger

The Stranger is a noir directed by and starring Orson Welles. This is a very important point to make, because Orson Welles' Noirs are not your typical noirs, which for The Stranger are both it's high point and downfall.

The plot: The Stranger is about a former Nazi, Professor Charles Rankin(Orson Welles) posing as a college professor when a war times criminal detective(Edward G Robinson) comes to town looking for him. Rankin has taken a wife and integrated himself into the small town. The biggest mystery here is what are the lengths to which he'll go to not be found out?

Since this is an Orson Welles Noir, a few things are a given: Big production values, great cinematography, great acting, and Orson steels the spotlight. It' similar to Hughes movie, if Hughes stared and had all the best lines. The Stranger is no different. The production values are great and the camera pans and dollies off the ground like no one's business. But while there are quite a few nice shots here, it's nothing compared to Welles other works such as A Touch of Evil or Citizen Kane.

The whole movie centers on what Rankin will do, meaning Welles gets most of the spotlight. Not that he didn't give a great intense performance, I just find it a shame because I was looking forward to seeing Edward G. Robinson let loose. It might have been the pacing or the fact that I already knew who the main villain was, and therefore who gets his comeuppance at the end(and man does Welles ever like his death scenes), but I just found it so hard to get through this. I didn't know exactly how it would end, but I just didn't find it suspenseful somehow. Even with it's dramatic music.

And gosh, what dramatic music it was! If you are into suspenseful dramatic movies in Noir movies like me, this will be high point for you. There was one scene in which Welles is patting the ground with a shovel, which could have been a very low, downplayed scene. Instead, CRAZY MUSIC! WHAT'S GOING ON! I HOPE SOMEONE DOESN'T FIND HIM DIGGING IN THE DIRT!

I found it more suspenseful in the beginning, right after someone had just committed a murder. It left me wondering if anyone's going to find the body or who's going to find out Rankin's real identity. But in the third act when literally everyone knows who the professor really is and there's still half an hour left, the rest of the movie feels so drawn out. And then the ending seems strangely happy with church belles and a smiling Edward G Robinson even after all the dramatic and trauma inducing events going on.

I wasn't really satisfied with this one. I couldn't wait for it to be over with. Sure it's got some nice shots and Orson Welles does a great Orson Welles impersonation, but I wouldn't say it's essential to your Noir library. I'd give it a 52 out of 85.

The Racket

Robert Ryan with Technical Pen and Robert Mitchum with a Brush Pen

The Racket! Brought to you by HOWARD HUGHES.

Yes, that Howard Hughes.

This was a great movie with outstanding acting and production values. The only part I was really let down was it's story, which may be because I was expecting a Noir(and Gosh I love Noir), but instead it was more of a gangster flick.

The Set-up: There's a big crime syndicate in town headed by "The Old man" with one of the major players being Nick Scanlon(Robert Ryan). The police get Captain Thomas McQuigg(Robert Mitchum), the only honest cop left on the force, to take Scanlon and the man down. Also, there's a dame(Lizabeth Scott) because, you know, whatever. Movies gotta have dames!

Everything about the production of this movie was fantastic. I was first intrigued when I read johnkstuff.blogspot.com and saw this one scene (which may be my favorite scene in the entire movie). If you're really into the nuts and bolts of movies and you know what Mise-en-scène is, you'll love this movie. The cinematography is amazing, and they set up shots beautifully. Watch that one clip above, you'll see the camera pan in and out seamlessly while characters step into shots and all the characters magically have enough room on screen! There's not one overlapping body there. It really feels like they actually put thought into how EVERYTHING would be set up instead of just throwing actors on screen and hoping it pans out well.

The acting in this is top notch, especially when the Robert's Ryan and Mitchum go at one another. Mitchum plays the cool collected police captain delivering glared silence as if they were catchy one-liners. And Robert Ryan (who should be in ever Noir movie EVER because he's such a badass. He's the Clive Owen of his time) makes a great villain as intense, cocky, and downright violent.

I haven't seen a lot of Howard Hughes films, but I suppose this is the way he makes them, top-notch. Also there were lots of shootouts, and a house exploded! I did not see that coming for a movie this old(Imagine the audience back then! Imagine to be the Michael Bay of your day.

I should mention about the music that...there was none. At least 80% of the movie was without music. There's a song in the middle sung by the main girl(which I'm guessing they shoehorned in there just for the audience or for the actress's contract) and some light tragic music when one of the main good guys died, but all the dramatic music you're used to hearing was absent. I honestly rather enjoyed that. It made room for the acting. Sorry composers.

The only real problem I had was with the story. It was very straight forward good guys vs. bad guys. You knew which side everyone was on, and you knew who was going to get the girl and who was going to get major comeuppance. Watching Noir, I'm used to shady characters whom you don't know who's side their on, crazy plot twists, fallen heroes and thugs with hearts of gold. None here. Good guys are good, bad guys are bad. Not that the characters didn't have character, you just knew whose team everyone was on.

Oh and here's a plot twist: The major good guys are all married! Gasp! No love interest to fawn over for two thirds of the movie?! Scandalous!

SPOILER ALERT SORTA They kept mentioning, "The old man" who must be the head crime lord honcho, and I kept expecting one of the characters we see to step into the light and reveal, "Don't you get it?! The old man's been dead for years. I am the old man! DUN DUN DUN" But no. We just get a phone cal at the end in which one of the main bad guys supposedly talks to him. Oh well. END SPOILER ALERT SORTA

Also, I felt it strange they kept introducing characters throughout the movie. Not minor characters, major characters. There's a newspaper reporter who's friends with the hardened beat cop that we don't meet until halfway through, yet he plays an intricate part of Nick's downfall. And he's the one who gets the girl! Why didn't we meet him sooner in the movie? I'm not saying it's bad film making, just an interesting choice, very frugal. We don't need him right now, so let's save him for later.

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. It had great pacing, and there wasn't one part where I was bored or thought was slow. I can't really fault the story for being what it was, just like I can't fault a family movie for not having enough blood. Really it was my expectations that were too in the gutter. I'd give it a solid 14 out of 17. If you're into old movies or you're an artist looking for good cinematography/shots reference, I'd highly recommend picking it up.

The Green Hornet

Going into it, I was expecting the worst; half-ass at best. Reading some of the other reviews, I would have thought it wasn't even worth seeing, but honestly I thought it was a lot of fun!

The story: Bret Reid (Seth Rogen), inheriting a surprisingly vast fortune and becomes owner of a newspaper (ok, he's owner of the newspaper, but how could he possibly have THAT kind of mansion? I mean, it's a newspaper! Was this set in 1996?) after his father's untimely death, wants to do something with his life but doesn't know what. Enter Kato(Jay Chou) and his amazing kung-fu and car making abilities! So he decides to use his great wealth and Kato's everything else to become a badass superhero. Antics and car chases ensue.

A lot of people were wondering about the choice of Seth Rogen as the Green Hornet, and I can't help imagine what would have been if they had used more of a straight laced character, but I was still really entertained by Rogen's performance. It was an interesting story choice for a character who's basically Batman but if Robin had all the abilities and Batman just said "I'm Batman!" all the time. Jay Chou did a great job as Kato; He was funny and a great martial artist.

The main baddie(Christoph Waltz) was pretty funny in his own right. He was interesting and fairly believable as a villain whose ruthlessness gets more psychotic over time as his criminal organization gets taken down buy a chubby lovable guy in a green mask. They had some great surprise performances by James Franco and Edward James Olmos, but the real unexpected twist is Cameron Diaz.

I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't know she was in the movie because they barely advertised her at all. I think she might have been in one 2 second scene in the trailer but they were really misusing her star power. She's suposed to be the main girl who comes between Green Hornet and Kato. You have to wonder, if they weren't going to market her, why would they even put her in the movie? They could have just as easily used some pretty unknown. It's weird to think just ten years ago they would have advertised the crap out of her. Hell, half the poster would have been Diazed. But however much they regret using her, she did a stand up job in the part. It wasn't overly sexualized and she doesn't provide the role of "girl who just stands there and looks pretty". Also the end didn't turn out as romantically as I would have guessed, so that's a plus.

The fight scenes and car chases were action packed and great to watch. Whenever they'd get into a fight, Kato would go into "Kato kick-ass" mode(and the Green Hornet would go into "Seth rogen comedy relief" mode). I almost wish they used that strange visual style more throughout the movie, but it was enjoyable while it lasted. And if you're a fan of graphically amazing opening credits, stick til the end because the end credits really shine.

I have to say, for a PG-13 superhero movie based on a pulp icon not scene since the campy "batman shark repellant" days, the actual death toll was pretty huge. Sure there's not a lot of blood, but there's a good 20-30 dead bodies there when you think about it! But Bret and Kato are no goody goody types and I'm pretty happy to see a hero who's not afraid to shed some blood in this day and age.

The story was pretty straight forward, and most of the major plot twists you can see coming a mile away, but it's still an incredibly enjoyably film. I should mention I saw it in 2D, so I can't say anything on how good the 3D transition is. Overall I'd give it a solid 43 out of 54. I'd be willing to see it at least two more times. Recommended for anyone who's a fan of Seth Rogenesque comedy, kung fu action, and crazy car chase shoot outs.

The funnest trailer ever:

Welcome Fellow Movie Lovers!

Welcome to my new movie review blog: Sketched Screenings! I've started this blog because I love movies and writing and sketching and writing about movies and sketching from movies and why the crap don't I just combine them all together?! So here it is, my inaugural run!

Special thanks have to be given to my friend Katherine who helped me with the title. We cant remember who came up with it, but it was born out of our conversation. She has a blog about food and you should go check it out.

I'm not just going to be doing new movies (and considering I'm not a professional movie critic and don't have access to pre-screenings, by the time I review them they won't be new anyways), I'll also be reviewing older movies I just happened to pick up. Fair warning: Expect a looooot of Noir.

I'm not sure how often I'll post, it really depends on how many movies I'll watch, and how busy I am with other art related projects, but I'll try to do one at least once a week. Ish.

If you have any suggestions for movies or my writing, please let me know.

I hope you enjoy reading my reviews as much as I enjoy writing them!